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COLUMNS
Wet Pants: The Best Comedies
by Dr. Scott
I used to share an apartment with my buddy Mike, and our DVD collections- when combined- were a force to be reckoned with. I think that, before moving out, we had about 3-400 DVD's between us. Then, I moved back home, and he into another apartment, and The Collection was divided (plus, Cera took a portion of the DVD's she and I had purchased while together when she moved up to Detroit). What's interesting is what that's done to each of our collections: Mike has almost no straight-up comedies, while I have almost no hard-core dramas. Want to watch THREE AMIGOS? THE JERK? I'm the guy to talk to. Need a copy of RAGING BULL? CARLITO'S WAY? Talk to Mr. Finnegan.
 | Jim Carrey was a revelation in Ace Ventura.
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The reason for this is simple: I love me some comedies. Even while watching TV, I tend to stick to Comedy Central as my go-to network ( Go over to Mike's, and chances are COURT TV or CNN is on the tube). I love all kinds of comedies, from slapstick-Jim Carrey stuff to high-brow Woody Allen stuff. I know more about comedies than any other type of movie, and I watch more comedies than any other type of movie. Ask me my favorite actors, and you're apt to hear Bill Murray, Steve Martin, or John Belushi before you'll hear such geek favorites as Pacino or Brando. It also helps that I'm a funny person, or so I'm told, so I guess I'm just more inclined to comedy. I grew up watching MONTY PYTHON, and still remember the blank stares I got trying to explain why the "Lumberjack Song" and HOLY GRAIL were funny back in 5th and 6th grade.
So, what have I got you here for? Well, to pass on my advice as to what comedies are the best bets, that's why. Some of you may be more inclined to dramas, and that's cool. Be a morose bastard and skip this column. Still here? Good. Now, as far as I'm concerned, there's three types of comedy: Physical, Mental, and Sexual. Almost every comedy falls into one or two of these categories, with the odd exception fitting into all three ( such as TOOTSIE or SCHINDLER'S LIST). And, of course, each category of comedy has several films that represent it better than others.
As for physical comedy, Jim Carrey has really cornered this genre in the last ten years or so. The original ACE VENTURA is a great place to start for classic Carrey, but the sequel isn't worth the film it's printed on. I remember the first time I saw ACE VENTURA, and it was like seeing some bizarre new animal at the zoo: It was unlike anything else that came before it, and you knew it was odd enough (and funny enough) to have people talking about it come Monday. Think back to before ACE VENTURA, before every mongoloid in the country was saying, "Aaaaaaalrighty then".
 | "What is Titicaca?"
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This was a hysterical film to watch in the theater with a crowd, and- sure enough- the film came out of nowhere and made bank. This was back in '94, which directly preceded the Year of Carrey in '95, where we got the one-two punch of THE MASK and DUMB AND DUMBER. The latter was made right after VENTURA hit, before Carrey was a Movie Star, and it captured a more talented side of him. It's not Shakespeare, but he wasn't talking out of his ass anymore. DUMB AND DUMBER proved that Carrey could act as well as gyrate and contort his face, which led to every Carrey comedy since. As far as I'm concerned, the little-loved ME, MYSELF, AND IRENE- with Carrey playing two roles, really, and featuring the enormously clever super-smart yet super-profane three black sons- is just as good as DUMB AND DUMBER. Most recently, BRUCE ALMIGHTY bored the shit out of me, and THE MAJESTIC was a giant misstep. Although I enjoyed THE TRUMAN SHOW and thought that Carrey was a genius in MAN ON THE MOON, the sentiment wasn't widespread, and THE MAJESTIC just proved that audiences just wanted Carrey to stick to the funny stuff, damnit. He's the closest thing my generation has to a really talented physical comedian, and even though I didn't care for BRUCE ALMIGHTY, I still count myself as a fan.
Going back a little further, John Belushi and Steve Martin did some pretty impressive physical comedy in their days. Check out Martin in ALL OF ME, where he's possessed by the spirit of a dead woman. He spends the entire film battling against his own body, and you can see the influence this performance had on Carrey in the "Beating Himself Up In The Bathroom" scene in LIAR, LIAR. John Belushi, unfortunately, wasn't around long enough for us to cultivate a good amount of material on him. However, what he did do was great. If you haven't seen THE BLUES BROTHERS, you're not a film geek, and if you don't like THE BLUES BROTHERS, you need to hang yourself. For such a pudgy guy, Belushi could move like a ballet dancer when he wanted to. Of the few films he did make during his sadly short life, THE BLUES BROTHERS showcases his gift for physical comedy better than any other, with the possible exception of NEIGHBORS. If you watch old Saturday Night Live reruns, though, you'll see what I mean.
 | "Thank you very little"
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Speaking of Belushi, did you know that he and Dan Akroyd wrote GHOSTBUSTERS together shortly before his death? The film was supposed to be about them, and only them, busting ghosts. As we all know, though, Belushi OD'd, and the film evolved into something else entirely before its release in 1984. I'm willing to bet it would have been more a physical comedy had Belushi starred in it, but instead we have the Mental Comedy version. Which isn't to say that GHOSTBUSTERS isn't great, which it is. It's got the best ingredients a Mental Comedy can have: A high-idea concept with come cerebrally humorous actors to back up the material. GHOSTBUSTERS showcases Bill Murray in one of his funniest roles, that of Dr. Peter Venkman, along with Harold Ramis and Dan Akroyd. The film has one of the most unlikely concepts for a movie, ever, but it succeeds all over the place. The film, directed by Ivan Reitman, features one of Murray's wittiest scripts, an enormously strong supporting cast (with Rick Moranis being a standout as the nerdy neighbor of Sigourney Weaver's character-"Okay, who brought the dog?"), and some pretty solid special effects. Bill Murray made a shitload of these kinds of films during the 80's, and for the most part they're great. Look no further than STRIPES ("Chicks dig me 'cause I rarely wear underwear, and when I do it's something unusual") or the critically-slaughtered SCROOGED, which isn't as bad as you've heard. In that film, Murray plays a heartless TV executive forced to confront ghosts of so-and-so's passed in a modern retelling of A CHRISTMAS CAROL. If you've seen the film-or if you haven't-take another look at that closing monologue that Murray rattles off: That was all improvised the day it was shot. Really. Murray goes on, uninterrupted, for about 5 minutes on all kinds of things, and it's wildly impressive. Bill Murray is a national treasure, one of the finest comedians still working today. If you want some really cerebral Bill Murray comedy, check out RUSHMORE, the film that should have brought him his first Oscar nomination. Murray plays Howard Bloom, a bitter millionaire caught up in a love triangle with a 15 year old overachiever and a teacher from the boy's school. Word on the street is, Murray should receive a nomination for his work in this year's LOST IN TRANSLATION (which, no, I still haven't seen), and I wish him luck with that. During the 90's, Murray tried his hand at a wide variety of comedies, including a family comedy (OSMOSIS JONES), but the best work he did during that decade can be found in GROUNDHOG DAY and WHAT ABOUT BOB? GROUNDHOG DAY utilizes a concept just as high-minded as the one used for GHOSTBUSTERS: Murray plays a weatherman stuck in Punxatawnee, PA reliving the same day- the titular holiday- over and over. This one's a fan favorite, but I think WHAT ABOUT BOB? is funnier, even though it contains my mortal enemy, Richard Dreyfuss.
 | "....so, I got that goin' for me, which is nice"
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THE JERK is one of my favorite comedies ever, and it's really kind of a lost treasure in that most people haven't seen it. It stars Steve Martin, playing the dumbest man who ever lived as he goes from rags ("I was born a poor, black child") to riches. Everyone should see this film. There's a scene in this movie that's so funny, it's been known to cause people to burst into flames from laughing so hard: The Sniper Scene. It's too complicated a setup to explain here, but look out for it the next time you see this film. And if you haven't seen it, rent it right now.
More recently, the SOUTH PARK movie killed at the box office. I was there opening weekend, and I don't think I've ever heard an audience laugh that hard at a movie. What's so great about the film- which, ultimately, is a musical of all things- is that it satirizes the kind of controversy that the film itself had the potential to generate. The plot revolves around a cartoon that causes children to swear and misbehave. Parents are furious, just as they were when their real life kids were watching SOUTH PARK on TV, and in the film the parents take hostage the stars of the cartoon, which leads to a war between Canada and the U.S. There are so many subtle jokes in this film, you really have to see it more than once to catch them all. Look at the scene that parodies every Disney animated movie ever made with Satan singing a LITTLE MERMAID style song about how bad he wants to live on Earth. Look at the Skeet Ulrich poster on Satan's bedroom wall, or the infamous Winona Ryder joke, or the scene where Kenny gets killed: It's all handled ingeniously and about as cleverly as possible. Most people over the age of 30 don't "get" SOUTH PARK, and I'll sometimes run across someone my own age who doesn't either, but I think that makes this film even more special; It takes our generation to "get" it, and I love that we can embrace it as our own.
 | "We're on a mission from God"
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One comedian, Chevy Chase, has completely disgraced himself and his career over the last 15 years or so. The guy started out on Saturday Night Live, stuck around for about a season, and left for Hollywood when he started believing all the hype about himself. He made some brilliant comedies in the early 80's, but everything he made after the third VACATION film sucked. COPS AND ROBBERSONS? Hell, no. Isn't this the guy who took Wally World hostage ("Soooorry, folks!")? Nevertheless, you can always look back to some of his older stuff to experience Chase at his peak. The original VACATION film is packed with classic scenes, the best of which involves Chase tying his dead mother-in-law to the roof of the family car in a rainstorm. This film was followed by several sequels, each not as good as the last. The VEGAS VACATION film is better left unseen, but I think the first three are pretty solid. The best Chase film, however, has got to be FLETCH. This is maybe my favorite comedy ever. I watch it every year on my birthday, and if I ever run into someone who can quote the film I feel like I've made an instant friend. This film is hugely underappreciated. In the next few years, Kevin Smith is supposed to direct a new version of FLETCH (which itself was based on a series of novels written by Gregory McDonald), and he wants Jason Lee to play FLETCH (when he mentioned to Warner Brothers that he wanted to make a new FLETCH with Chevy Chase, he was told: "We're not in the Chevy Chase business."), which I think is an inspired idea. The film is really a mystery, opening with a man hiring Fletch to kill him. Fletch has to unravel the mystery as to why this guy wants to get himself killed, all the while remaining undercover on a drug bust for the paper he works for and avoiding the local corrupt police. There are so many brilliant moments in this film, I couldn't possibly list enough to do it justice. One day, Chevy Chase is going to die. Everyone who's been talking shit about the guy for the last ten years is going to be saying what a genius he was, and I'll bet anything that this is the film he'll be remembered for. The best scene in the film is hard to nail down, but I have a soft spot for any portion of the film wherein Fletch is trying to pass himself off as a doctor ("Doctor Rosen-rosen" "Doctor Rosen-fetus"). Classic lines include: "Go out and get yourself a nice piece of ass"; "I can't have my wages garnishied"; "Usin' the whole fist there, Doc?"; "I'll have a bloody mary, a steak sandwich, and...a steak sandwich", there's too many to name.
 | "Mooooon Riiiveeer"
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Finally, we have the Sex Comedy. Years ago, SOME LIKE IT HOT was about as risquee as comedies get, as it featured...wait for it....two guys wearing dresses! Can you imagine?! Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon starred in this film about two guys at a resort trying to pass themselves off as woman for one reason or another. SOME LIKE IT HOT is also notable for the presence of Marilyn Monroe, who wasn't nearly as talented as everyone seems to think she was. Anyway, that was then. Moving on down the road about 20 years, TOOTSIE featured Dustin Hoffman in drag, with Bill Murray in a supporting role, and it killed at the box office. Hoffman plays a woman, and the film is funny as hell. That, again, was then. Now, we're in the Golden Age of The Gross Sex Comedy, which started with THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY. That film featured an admittedly funny and memorable scene involving semen and Cameron Diaz, which as far as I'm concerned is always a good combination. However, the film only opened the door for sex comedies to get more and more obscene, reducing the wit to the point where Stifler is eating shit and getting pissed on in the AMERICAN PIE movies. It's become so prevalent, in fact, that one teen sex comedy, NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE, parodied the problem. And not very well, for that matter. I don't mind obscene gags if they work, but it's getting ridiculous. Not to mention, these kinds of movies reflect badly on teenagers: They make every person over between the ages of 16 and 15 look stupid and witless, and that's not right.
Luckily, there's some sophisticated sex comedies to cleanse the palate with. Most of them are directed and written by Woody Allen, too, so that's a bonus. Allen's early films are a little less mature than his more recent work, which means LOVE AND DEATH has more oral sex jokes than SWEET AND LOWDOWN, but that's okay: You can kind of gauge what sort of comedy you're going to end up watching by looking at the production date for Allen's films. Stick with his older stuff, and you're going to get highbrow sex comedy. Go back further, blow job jokes. See how that works?
 | SOUTH PARK killed at the box office
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What I think sucks is that a lot of people in my generation completely ignore Allen's work. He's one of the most gifted, witty comedy writers to ever lense a film, and I know plenty of people who couldn't name three of his films. Start with DECONSTRUCTING HARRY, which was made just a few years ago. It stars Allen, playing-of course- a writer with writer's block. He's started writing books that recycle problems from his personal life; He changes real people's names when writing his books, but the problems- some of them highly personal and embarrassing- are the same. In one extended sequence, Harry feels that his life has lost its focus, so we see his character represented by Robin Williams, shot totally out of focus. That is to say, he looks fuzzy onscreen. It's a special effect of course, but the gag is great. Watch when Williams comes home to his family, and his kids chant: "Daddy's out of focus!" This is his most solid, funny movie of the last 5 years or so. SWEET AND LOWDOWN isn't much of a sex comedy, but the performance by Sean Penn is one of his best. After that, get RADIO DAYS, which is basically a memoir of Allen's childhood growing up in New York. It's really a collection of skits, all based in the same period of his life, but each is funnier than the last. Finally, ANNIE HALL is a really great comedy for watching with your boy/girl/dog friend on the couch on a rainy day. The whole film is about the silly hardships that every relationship deals with, but it's hilarious rather than dramatic.
Phew. Well, I believe I ended up writing a little more than I intended. No matter. If you're a fan of comedy, give any of these films a shot, I gurantee you'll be happy with them. Oh, there's a few others I need to list off that didn't fit neatly in here: THREE AMIGOS ("Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?"), CADDYSHACK ("....so, I got that goin' for me, which is nice"), and the original BEVERLY HILLS COP all deserve your attention. Good luck.
Word.
The Doctor
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Please Note: The opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily
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